The Link Between Self Compassion and Peak Performance

If you’ve ever been stuck with a crying baby you know that yelling back at it does not make matters better. It only makes them worse.

There are two skillful ways of working with a crying baby:

1) Hold it, rock it, cradle it, and show it love.

2) Let the baby cry it out; stop trying to intervene; and create a safe space for the baby to exhaust itself.

We’d be wise treat ourselves the same way we treat crying babies. When we mess up, fall short, break a good habit, give into a bad one, get caught in a negative thought cycle, or find ourselves stuck in a bad mood state the inclination is to yell back. We berate ourselves for failing and judge ourselves for thinking and feeling negatively. But here’s the thing: much like a crying baby, all of that berating and judging never makes things better; and it almost always makes them worse.

Research shows that individuals who react to failure with self-compassion get back on the bandwagon much more swiftly than those who judge themselves. That’s because if you judge yourself for messing up, you’re liable to feel guilt or shame, and it is often this very guilt or shame that drives more of the undesired behavior. The same is true with cognitive and emotional states: resisting an unwanted thought or feeling usually…